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We’ve never met anyone who doesn’t want to be a good lover, but what does it really mean to center your partner’s pleasure in lovemaking? Listen in this week and find out.

This episode covers:

- How to be a better lover

- How pleasure and orgasm are separate things

- What if I don’t know what brings me pleasure?

- What if the thing that brings you pleasure isn’t something I’m into?

Memorable quotes

“Porn is great for entertainment. It will not help you get your partner off.”
“It’s humbling to center your partner’s pleasure because you have to admit you’re not the expert on their pleasure.”
“We’re not talking about centering climax or orgasms. We’re talking about pleasure. They can happen together, but it’s really important to purely focus on pleasure.”
“Some people are too focused on performative sex, not really connected sex. When we center pleasure we’re talking about connecting intimately.”
“If this topic is bringing up tension it’s probably time to hire a professional to support this conversation.”
“Be willing to set your ego aside and ask a lot of questions.”
“There’s a dance between centering my pleasure and yours. But if each person is showing up focusing on pleasure we’re more likely to have a delicious experience.”
“Talk about sex outside of the sexual experience.”
“Most of us aren’t practiced, so you’re gonna start practicing talking about what you want.”

Resources from the Podcast

Swoon Sexual Communication Episode

Swoon Orgasm Gap Episode

Swoon Masturbation Episode 

She Comes First

Come as You Are

Becoming Cliterate

OMG Yes

Action Steps

Tune in to pleasure once every day. What do I like or enjoy most? 

Try different sensual experiences (taste, smell, sight, sound, feeling) and notice what feels comfortable, arousing, and/or erotic.

Get support

Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

Your Swoon hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie