You’ve been on great vacations together. Faced the ups and down together. Losing jobs, promotions; new cities, new friends, new paths. Making discoveries you never imagined.
You’ve loved. Lived. Fought. Loved again. Lived some more. Fought some more. Loved again, more.
Yet somehow, here you are, asking (or at least considering…) this question: Is my marriage (or relationship) worth saving?
Being in a marriage, or relationship, you will have felt that it offers both some of the most deeply rewarding experiences and some the most challenging ones.
Intimate relationships require honesty, in all things. This relationship asks of us friendship and joy, especially to ourselves. And it asks of us courage, to love wholeheartedly and allow ourselves to be wholeheartedly loved.
For reasons you are able to name (or may not be able to find words for) you may find yourself thinking...
Your marriage never felt quite “right” from the start;
Your relationship went through a tough challenge and doesn’t feel the same anymore;
You changed, or your partner changed, and it’s no one’s fault, but now you’re moving in different directions;
You or your partner have met someone new;
Time and growth has made you aware that you want a different life from the one you’ve been living.
What do you do when you face these questions: Is my marriage worth investing in? Is my marriage worth saving? Do I want to stay?
There is nothing wrong with questioning the future of your relationship. But how you use these doubts to help you understand what you are needing more of, and find ways to strengthen yourself and your relationship can make all the difference.
Questions and doubts can offer the impetus to deepen into your marriage and commitment with each other, and to deepen into your relationship and commitment to yourself. Questions can invite you both to explore your relationship’s contours.
We are here, and ready to roll up our sleeves with you and figure out what happens now.
Oasis' approach to couples therapy:
Our first priority in working with a couple is to meet you where you are.
Different couples come in to work on different issues. We want our time together to be useful and meaningful to you, and not just help you with the issue that is at the forefront, but rather, give you tools and vocabulary to use down the road.
We are interested in helping you two get on the same team. Often, by the time couples see us, there is hurt feeling and a good deal of finger pointing. Our job is to help you recognize that you two are one unit, and the problem is external to that unit. We want to jump in there with you to identify what is and is not working in your relationship, and to focus on blaming less and connecting more.
You, as a couple, are the client. We don’t take sides. Instead, we are on the side of you as a couple--we want to see your partnership invigorated and thriving.
— Kathryn Richards, Clinical Social Worker in Berkeley, CA