“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #44 – Whip It: BDSM/Kink

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Jan 12, 2020 in swoon

This week on Swoon Julie and Gina explore BDSM and Kink. They talk about what it is, why people might be interested in it and how to share your desires with your partner. If you have some kinky fantasies you might want to explore, Gina and Julie share things to think about and talk about before taking action.

This episode covers:

  • What is BDSM or Kink
  • Why some people are interested in BDSM
  • How to talk with your partner about things you might want to try – how to share things and also how to listen to your partner's desires
  • The role of shame in sex (especially kinky sex)
  • How sensation play or power play can be healing
  • Why it's important not to yuck somebody's yum
  • What it means to be safe, sane and consensual
  • What it means to create a safe container or make a plan for after care
  • Some tools for finding community or moving your fantasies more into reality

                                  Memorable Quotes

                                  “I'm amazed at the range of things when we talk about what is kinky. It really can be anything outside of whatever you might imagine the “norm” is.”

                                  “What's really hot for some people can feel strange or not arousing for other people.”

                                  “I talk to a lot of people who historically were in situations where they felt powerless and then being in an adult consensual situation where they choose to give up their power can be healing for them.”

                                  “Sometimes it can be a part of body healing for people, or trauma healing for people, to reclaim parts of themselves through sensation play.”

                                  “If you have to constantly be in charge in your life and make all the decisions, being in a sexual situation where someone else is in charge can be really sexy.”

                                  “Sometimes sex is just about sex. Sometimes it's about other psychological things. And sometimes the things that get us off just get us off. We don't have to always look for the deeper meaning in things.”

                                  “Sometimes people feel shame about what they find exciting.”

                                  “When I take the risk to share something with my partner, my hope is they will be respectful of it, even if they don't want to do it.”

                                  “Don't yuck your partner's yum.”

                                  “This kind of play requires more communication if I'm going to take a risk and tell you something that is really erotic or exhilarating and your first response is yuck, it's going to be harder for me to share things with you.”

                                  “The more we can move away from a place of judgement...the more intimacy and trust we can build in our partnership.”

                                  “I've seen some of the sweetest care after some of the things could be perceived of as scary or really painful.”

                                  “So much of sex we keep private, the more we talk about it, the more freedom there is and the more pleasure we can experience”

                                  “Shame can't thrive in the light.”

                                      Resouces from the Podcast

                                      BDSM Checklist

                                      Find courses or classes in your area. SheBop has classes if you are in Portland.

                                      Fetlife

                                      Go to a tastings event

                                      The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love

                                      by Janet W. Hardy (Author), Dossie Easton (Author)

                                      The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

                                      The New Bottoming Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton

                                      Action Steps

                                      Do Gina's checklist

                                      Your Swoon hosts

                                      Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
                                      Connect with Gina

                                      Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
                                      Connect with Julie

                                      Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.
                                      Website

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