Do you have a hard time staying present during sex? Are you distracted? Worried about performance? Or focusing on your to do list?
In today’s podcast Gina and Julie share tools and practices to help you stay present and experience more pleasure in and out of the bedroom.
On being in your brain vs. being in your body -
“I often work with people who are operating from the neck up. They are not connected to their body. Sometimes they can't feel sensation in their body. Sometimes they are so wrapped up in the swirls and whirls and rollercoaster that is going on in their brain that they can't feel if they are turned on, they can't feel desire, they can't feel pleasure, because they are so in their brain. “
“I think our brains are really important. I don’t want you doing math with your vagina. There are things we really need our brains for. However, there are times our brain get in the way – distraction, multitasking, anxiety, making a to do list while your partner is kissing your neck - there are times that being in our brains keep us from the full spectrum of pleasure.”
On the times if doesn't feel OK to be in your body -
“It's unsafe for some people to be in their body. I get migraines and when I do, I don't want to be in my body. It's so painful and if I just sat there and felt my pain, that's not going to be helpful for me. What I always have to do afterward is come back into my body the next day. And I have a ritual around that.”
“It's not a problem to not be in your body. Sometimes it's too painful to be in your body. We also need to know how to get back in our body.”
On pleasure and presence -
“What is your goal for sexual connection? Is your goal something that is actually serving you? If the goal is connection, orgasm or erection might not matter. If the goal is joy, or pleasure, there are a lot of pathways to achieve those goals that aren’t always as specific as 'I have to have this kind of sex', and 'it has to look this way' and 'it has to take this much time.'”
“Our minds work like a tribe of playful monkeys. If you are going to train them, yelling at them isn't going to help much. But if you are gentle or playful with them you are far more likely to have success and far more likely not to stress yourself out.”
Resources Shared in This Episode
Sign the petition asking Psychology Today, the largest online therapist directory, to add a third gender option to their search filters.
Action Steps from the Podcast
Focus on Sensuality -
Connect with your senses in a nonsexual way.
What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling?
Practice this with food or in the shower.
Bonus Action Step - Shift to a mindful kiss
Notice, did you actually connect with your partner during your kiss. Were you present?
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina
Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie