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Breakups can be painful, confusing, overwhelming and super distracting. Julie and Gina talk about what makes breakups feel so hard and also ways you can help yourself move through the pain and heartache.

This episode covers:

• How hard breakups can be (for both people)
• The multitude of emotions you can experience during and after a breakup.
• The importance of feeling your feelings.
• Ways to feel your feelings without drowning in them.
• Different ways you can get support.
• How to be a supportive friend if someone you love is going through a breakup.
• The importance of self care during this time.
• The possibility of a loving end to a relationship – breakups don't have to be chaotic or unkind or dramatic.

Memorable Quotes

“There is not a math equation for how long it takes to get over a break up.”

“We want to make meaning, we want to understand, we want the magic potion to make it better. Part of the breakup is feeling your feelings and that is so challenging.”

“You can't selectively shut down feelings.”

“Open hearted living means feeling it all – not just the joy. Part of the reason I can feel such high pleasure is because I've let myself feel intense pain.”

“Grief is a byproduct of love. The reason you are sad is because you were happy at one point in time.”

“Sometimes the hardest part of an ending is not the ending of the relationship, but the ending of the dream for your future.”

“Often the person who would comfort us most in our lives, can't comfort us through this because they are experiencing it too...or they are the one causing it.”

“When going through a break up, our brain looks like the brain of someone who is going through withdrawal.”

“Healing is not always linear.”

Resouces from the Podcast

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

Action Steps

Ask what you’ve learned and what you would do differently next time.

Set some boundaries – what do you need in terms of space, communication etc.

Or create rituals/practices for yourself so you feel your feelings and don't get stuck in them.

And when you are ready to start dating again, listen to -

“Swoon”Episode #16 – You Can't Hurry Love: Dating in Real Life

https://www.therapyden.com/blog/swoon-show-notes-episode-16

“Swoon” Episode #24 – Thank You, Next: How Not to Get Into the Same Bad Pattern Again & Again

https://www.therapyden.com/blog/swoon-show-notes-episode-24

Your Swoon hosts

Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina

Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie

Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.
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