“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #63 – I Want it That Way: Asking for what you want sexually.
Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on May 24, 2020 in Swoon
On this episode of Swoon, Julie and Gina share tips and tools for asking for what you want sexually. They give examples of what often goes wrong and then model different ways to ask for what you want so that all of your fantasies come true.
This episode covers:
- How to talk to your partner about trying something new in bed
- When to talk about sex
- Things that aren't helpful when sharing what you want sexually
- Skills you can use to talk about sex when you aren't having sex
- How to ask for what you want during sex
- Ways to respond positively and warmly when your partner makes a sexual request
- The importance of positive feedback
Memorable Quotes
“He just put it in my butt and it didn't go well and I didn't like it!”
“It's one of the most vulnerable things we do - when we name something that means a lot to us or that we like.”
“I see so many people who are detached from what they really want.”
“The more inspired I feel, the easier it is for me to make requests.”
“You need to know what you want so that you can ask for it.”
“Behind every complaint is a positive want or need.”
“We want to help get you to a place where you know what you want and then being able to ask for it.”
“One skill you can employ is finding ways to talk about sex when you aren't having sex.”
“I can leave a welcome mat out. You bring it up when you are ready.”
“It's different for things to go sideways when you are naked and curled up with each other.”
“One of the ways folks can head that off is by talking during sex, more.”
“If we have a void of information and then only critique or constructive feedback, it's really hard to feel empowered and connected.”
“All I hear is what I'm doing wrong in sex”
“The positive stuff creates resilience”
“I would do anything to get my partner off!”
“For most people the feeling of surprise or shock isn't a part of their arousal template.”
Resouces from the Podcast
Swoon Sexual Communication Episode
Swoon “What to say in tricky conversations” Episode
Action Steps
Practice talking about sex in and out of the bedroom.
Get support
Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina
Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie
Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen
Your Swoon hosts
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina
Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie
