Desire is a critical part of being intimately connected in relationships. Julie and Gina discuss how normal desire concerns are with lots of different people, how to deal with a lack of desire, why desire comes so much more easily early in relationships and three different approaches to desire issues in relationships.
“People who don't experience what they think desire is supposed to look and feel like think there's something wrong with them and there's not.”
"Do you center my pleasure in our sexual activities?"
"If sex doesn't feel good, why the hell would I desire it?"
"We want this fixed and it seems like the easiest fix is taking a pill."
"Another element that can be confusing is that sometimes this is going on and in the beginning of our relationship this was not an issue."
"There's enough going on in your brain in the beginning of a relationship that makes it easier to access desire."
"Efficient sex is good to have. And it's not gonna fuel a lifetime of intense desire."
Start tracking your desire. Pay attention to what, when and how you want certain things. Notice the degree of desire you are feeling. Get clear about what would make you want or have sex, or sexual connection.
Think about the kinds of sexual and sensual connection or the components of the acts you do enjoy and work on naming them. Notice the ways arousal and desire align and/or relate in your life.
Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina
Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie
Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
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Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie