“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #66 – It's Tricky: How to have hard conversations continued...

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Jun 14, 2020 in Swoon

Julie and Gina continue their miniseries about how to have tricky conversations. This week they explore conversations about wanting to slow down your relationship and how to talk about exes and past relationships.

This episode covers:

  • More skills for bringing up or responding to tricky conversations
  • How to talk about slowing your relationship down
  • Why someone might want to slow things down and important things to think about before you bring it up to your partner.
  • How to talk about exes and past relationships
  • Helpful questions to use when exploring your (and your partner's) past relationships

      Memorable Quotes

      “It's not just people who are in conflict who have to talk about hard things, it's humans, humans have to talk about hard things.”

      “Slow it down is pretty vague – I can make a lot of assumptions – slow what down in what way?”

      “We have ideas about what a progression of a relationship looks like...there's an escalator of relationship norms...when we see different things has the next step or the next norm we can get tripped up.”

      “So often people use longevity as the measure of success in relationships.”

      “Judgement and comparison isn't going to serve us at all.”

      “Before bringing it up as yourself, how is this pertinent?”

      “We are often shaped by our relationships.”

      “Personal accountability is so important in partnership. It's sexy too. Personal accountability is so sexy.”

      “Tell me about what you learned about yourself in your past relationships.”

      “The places we've lived, jobs we've had, and people we've been in relationship with are all pieces of who we are and where we've been.”

      “Do you really want the answer to some of the questions you are asking?”

      “If you need reassurance as your partner is talking about their past or exes, it's OK to name it and name what it is that will help you feel more secure.”

      “Do not snoop! It's OK to be curious about someone's past. Go through your partner to get that information.”

        Resources from the Podcast

        More episodes from our Tricky Conversations Mini Series

        Swoon “Come Talk to Me: What to say in tricky conversations”

        Swoon - HELP!: More tricky conversations.I Want it That Way: Asking for what you want sexually.

        Action Steps

        Use the skills we are exploring each week to have your own “tricky conversations.”

        Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

        Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

        Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

        Get support

        Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

        Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

        Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

        Your Swoon hosts

        Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
        Connect with Gina

        Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
        Connect with Julie

        Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

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