“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #67 – Shut up: How to be a better listener

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Jun 21, 2020 in swoon

One of the biggest reasons clients come to see us is “communication.” And often they share that what they really want is to feel heard and understood in their relationship. This week on Swoon, Julie and Gina help you learn how to be a better listener.

This episode covers:

  • Tools you can use to help your partner feel heard and understood
  • The difference between hearing and listening
  • What it means to be a reflective listener
  • How reactivity and defensiveness affect communication
  • Our clients' biggest complaints about communication and learning new patterns of communication

        Memorable Quotes

        “There is a real difference between hearing and listening.”

        “There are still a lot of people anticipating what they are going to say rather than listening to their partner.”

        “It's a vulnerable practice.”

        “So much we've learned about communication is about proving a point, rather than listening.”

        “So few people have great communication skills modeled for them growing up.”

        “I generally want to understand you and feel understood.”

        “One complaint I've heard from people about good communication is that it feels like taking turns. That is because it is.”

        “How often do you hear in your office - “nobody talks like this. It takes so much time and energy. Why can't you just trust that I hear you?”

        “Our brains only have so much capacity for taking in information when someone is talking at us.”

        “I want to know that my partner hears, sees and understands me. Otherwise what is the point of being in partnership?”

        “You can validate someone's experience without having to agree with them.”

          Resources from the Podcast

          Swoon - Something to Talk About: Healthy Communication in Relationships

          Nonviolent communication

          Imago Therapy

          Compassionate Listening Project

          Getting to Yes

          Difficult Conversations

          The High Conflict Couple

          Action Steps

          Validate your partner or practice reflecting without responding.

          Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

          Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

          Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

          Get support

          Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

          Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

          Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

          Your Swoon hosts

          Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
          Connect with Gina

          Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
          Connect with Julie

          Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.
          Website

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