Julie and Gina welcome Jeff back on the show to talk about penises. They discuss what to do about erectile dysfunction, how to respond if your partner's penis isn't doing what you hoped, and they address the age old question, does size really matter?
“If you have a vagina or vulva there's no outside indicator for other people to judge or comment on.”
“We have a very limiting view of men and people with penises experience of pleasure and arousal.“
“When I see people who are struggling the most it's because they've had experience after experience that reinforces their negative story. The more they happen, the more we believe they will happen, then the more they will happen.”
“It doesn't mean you can't be together if your size preferences are off. You might need to find other ways to get there."
"Everyone needs to feel safe and supported. It's okay to want to relax and not be guarded in your sexual life.”
"Play with the balls."
"Don't be afraid to try new things."
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Permission to masturbate: Practice playing with your arousal along a spectrum from low-level arousal to high-intensity arousal. Focus on expanding your enjoyment and ability to access lower-level pleasure. Practice bringing yourself to high intensity and then staying there or backing away and returning (You can also think about doing this with a partner).
Focus on staying in your body and slowing down or keeping sustained pleasure instead of trying to distract yourself.
Have a conversation with your partner about what feels good to/on/and around your penis, or their (or both of yours).
Have a conversation about what happens internally when the/a penis doesn't act as planned. Create a plan to stay connected when that happens.
Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina
Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie
Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen
Your Swoon hosts
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
Connect with Gina
Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
Connect with Julie