“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #55 – Dating during a pandemic

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Mar 29, 2020 in Swoon

On today's episode of Swoon, Gina and Julie talk about dating during this weird new world we are living in. They offer information so you can discern if you want to start dating right now, and offer tips and tools if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship. They also answer listeners' questions about dating in the time of Covid-19.

This episode covers:

  • Is it even worth online dating right now?
  • Dating while social distancing.
  • How do you progress in your relationship if you can't see each other in person?
  • Tips for virtual dating
  • I started dating someone and they told me they are too stressed to keep dating right now, but I really like them, what do I do?
  • Do we have to be monogamous during a pandemic?
  • How do you keep the excitement alive during the honeymoon stage when you can't see each other?

                                                    Memorable Quotes

                                                    “People are having to have weird state of the union conversations earlier than usual - 'Are we going to risk our livelihood in a pandemic to keep dating?'”

                                                    “If your goal for dating is getting laid, that probably isn't a CDC approved behavior.”

                                                    “I've had some people say they are more excited about online dating now because it feels like courtship.”

                                                    “For people that are really excited about getting to know someone before meeting in person, this might be an exciting time to date.”

                                                    “If words are not your strong suit, dating right now might be stressful and you might feel a lot of pressure.”

                                                    “This is a stressful time, people's trauma histories are being activated right now.”

                                                    “I can still feel chemistry for someone through a computer screen. I can see if they smile when they see me or seem to be listening.”

                                                    “If touch is your love language, dating while social distancing is hard. It's hard to replicate touch.”

                                                    “Are you going to be able to make the best choices right now? Making big decisions under stress is not typically a great idea.“

                                                    “How am I supposed to do this thing? Many of the questions come up even when we aren't in a pandemic. We want to do it right. We don't want to be rejected. Now is a beautiful time to come back to yourself and get clear about what you want or need.”

                                                    “Is this relationship worth risking a hospitalization?”

                                                    “If you were feeling super excited and you aren't feeling that as much, it doesn't necessarily mean you are headed for doom. It doesn't mean you are leaving the honeymoon stage. It doesn’t mean anything except that you are living though a fucking pandemic and things are scary. Everything feels hard right now.”

                                                    “It is an opportunity to see how someone might show up for you when things are hard. Does this person you are building a relationship with, have your back?”

                                                    “So often we are all or nothing – we're in a relationship or not in a relationship, connecting or not connecting– just because we can’t connect in an ideal way doesn’t mean there's not an opportunity to still experience intimacy.”

                                                    “There's nothing wrong with feeling awkward and confused during an awkward and confusing time.”

                                                        Resouces from the Podcast

                                                        Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

                                                        by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D.

                                                        Action Steps

                                                        Say these things out loud to yourself - "It's hard." "It's new." "It's different." "I'm adjusting." "This is a lot."

                                                        Get support -

                                                        Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

                                                        Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

                                                        Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

                                                        Your Swoon hosts

                                                        Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
                                                        Connect with Gina

                                                        Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
                                                        Connect with Julie

                                                        Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

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