“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #104 – Unforgettable: Bringing Baggage into the Relationship

Jeff Guenther, LPC on Mar 14, 2021 in swoon

If you're an adult you've got history, and it impacts the way you act in relationships moving forward. Learn how to talk about what you're carrying with you in this episode with Julie and Gina.

This episode covers:

  • How can you talk about past hurts in new relationships?
  • What should I tell my partners about my history?
  • How do I learn from these experiences instead of being bitter?
  • How do I know how much to process my grief with someone I am dating?
  • How do you identify what your baggage is?


                            Memorable quotes

                            “If you're an adult you come with life experiences, and that's not always a bad thing."

                            "There are patterns we've picked up and stories we tell about ourselves through our relationships. And that's what we're bringing."

                            "My ex said I'm manipulative, am I really a manipulator?"

                            "Are there ways for you to shift your baggage?"

                            "A lot of what I see breaks down really easily into attachment style differences."

                            "Your baggage might be the stories you tell."

                            "When it's unresolved, that's when we see it come up in our relationships moving forward."

                            "I have trust issues."

                            Resources from the Podcast

                            Join Julie and Gina for the Best Sex of Your Life in 2021

                            She Drives me Crazy - Attachment Styles and Your Relationship

                            Ain't That a Shame - Shame and Your RelationshipMy Favorite Mistake: Weird Things Happen During SexSex and TraumaWhat if my partner has experienced trauma?

                            Love More, Fight Less: Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: A Relationship Workbook for Couples by Gina Senarighi

                            Action Steps

                            Identifying Sexual Baggage Activity:

                            • Write out the baggage you're carrying
                            • Consider which of the pieces you want to let go of
                            • Get clear about the pieces you want to keep
                            • Release the ones you're letting go of, burn them to let them go
                            • Turn the ones you're keeping into requests for yourself or your partner

                            Join Julie and Gina for the Best Sex of Your Life in 2021

                            Get Gina's book on communication.

                            Hire a therapist or a coach

                            Get support

                            Sparkle: A Relationship Refresh for 2021

                            Love More Fight Less: A Relationship Workbook, Gina Senarighi

                            Your Swoon hosts

                            Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
                            Connect with Gina

                            Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
                            Connect with Julie

                            Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Ashville, NC.

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