“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #56 – Managing your relationship during a pandemic

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Apr 05, 2020 in Swoon

Today we are focusing on people who are living together and managing all sorts of things while we are in a pandemic. Are you feeling stuck? Exhausted? Depleted? We also offer suggestions for people who are transitioning out of a relationship or newly single during this strange time we have all found ourselves in.

This episode covers:

  • How do you balance work, kids, your relationship while also living through a pandemic?
  • What if you and your partner are on different pages about stress, risk management or parenting right now?
  • Addressing grief, stress, trauma, overwhelm and how disorienting things are right now.
  • How stress affects your sex life.
  • Ways trauma might affect you or your relationship right now.
  • Structures and tactics to support your relationship.
  • How do you have boundaries when stuck at home with other people?
  • What do you do if you are trying to figure out if you still want to be in your relationship and you are stuck at home together?
  • What if you were in the process of separating when the pandemic started?
  • What if you recently went through a heartbreak?

                                                      Memorable Quotes

                                                      “Most of us are experiencing some level of grief right now.”

                                                      “We think about grief typically in terms of death or end of relationship – but any time there is a death of a dream, death of identity, death of plans, all of those create grief. “

                                                      “Stress is a brake pedal for a lot of people – and there some people who when they are stressed the only thing they want to do is have sex because it's the only time their brain shuts off. I'm hearing from couples where each person is feeling differently about sex right now.”

                                                      “It's really important to normalize that this is a crisis and this is trauma so our trauma responses are going to show up.”

                                                      “For some folks who come from a more chaotic or traumatic upbringing, I'm actually hearing that they are doing better than other people around them because this feels familiar.”

                                                      “Be gentle with your partner. This is the time to give each other grace and give each other the benefit of the doubt.”

                                                      “You can't have 12 priorities. You can have one or two.”

                                                      “How can I best love you right now?”

                                                      “This is one of the scariest times for people in violent or abusive relationships.”

                                                      “It's never a great time to end a relationship.”

                                                      “It's possible to come out and be friends on the other side of a relationship. It's next to impossible to rely on each other as support systems as you grieve your break up. If you are sharing a home while breaking up, get support.”

                                                      “With heartbreak I often encourage people to feel their feelings and not avoid them. During this time, feeling our feelings can be so overwhelming if we don't have someone else who can help us hold those feelings. If you are feeling all your feelings, do it in doses. Take a break.”

                                                      “People are ending relationships during a pandemic, people are falling in love during a pandemic. People are dying during a pandemic, babies are being born! Life is happening.”

                                                      “Don't overlook the possibility of connection just because it doesn’t look the way you want it to.”

                                                      “Be good to yourself and be good to your people.”

                                                          Resouces from the Podcast

                                                          Domestic Violence Hotline

                                                          1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

                                                          Swoon Episode #32 – Know When to Hold‘em: When to Break Up

                                                          Swoon Episode #28 – Breaking up is hard to do: Breakup Recovery

                                                          Action Steps

                                                          Say these things out loud to yourself - "It's hard." "It's new." "It's different." "I'm adjusting." "This is a lot."

                                                          Get support -

                                                          Check with your partner – Ask, “What are our 1-2 priorities right now?”

                                                          Ask your people, “How can I best love you right now?”

                                                          Get support -

                                                          Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

                                                          Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

                                                          Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

                                                          Your Swoon hosts

                                                          Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
                                                          Connect with Gina

                                                          Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
                                                          Connect with Julie

                                                          Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

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