“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #41 – Back in the Saddle - Getting Back Into it After Sexual Hiatus

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Dec 22, 2019 in Swoon

We've said over and over that lots of couples experience lulls in their sexual experience. For some it's weeks and for others it's years without sex, today we're talking about how to start up again after you're out of the practice.

This episode covers:

  • How common it is to experience sexual hiatus in relationship
  • The factors that lead to sexual hiatus for lots of couples
  • How hormonal changes, pain, stress, and body changes impact sexual connection
  • How comfort can be an intimacy killer
  • How to manage expectations and pressure to make it great when you start again

                            Memorable Quotes

                            “Couples get into putting it off and then that goes on for a long time and what was a two day lapse grows into three months or six years."

                            "Sometimes something can happen- someone can have a traumatic experience in their life that causes them not to want to be touched."

                            "Everyone believe everyone else around them is having all the regular sex they want. But the truth is a LOT of people experience desire fatigue and disconnect in relationships."

                            "There can be big things that happen in relationships, and also there is atrophy in relationships."

                            "We don't think about sex as a practice, we think about it as though there's an innate and internal take-over... like it's breathing (that we do it without thinking) when really it's more like dancing where we have to learn and practice.”

                            "It takes practice to find rhythms and movements that feel comfortable, arousing and that you can feel confident doing."

                            "People have this idea that sex should happen spontaneously, but if that;'s not happening you have to try something different."

                                Resouces from the Podcast

                                SWOON: Sexual Communication Episode
                                Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel

                                Action Steps

                                Talk about what's exciting to you and ways you want to connect.

                                Make an intimacy date. Plan and prepare for physical and sexual intimacy.

                                Practice a giving and receiving exercise.

                                You can find a therapist at TherapyDen.

                                    Your Swoon hosts

                                    Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
                                    Connect with Gina

                                    Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
                                    Connect with Julie

                                    Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

                                    Recommended Articles