How do you know whether to break up or work it out?

John Gottman's studies of married couples tied later divorce to four ways of fighting, the Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Contempt was the strongest signal, and this quiz's closest item is feeling disrespected during conflicts. Repair means changed behavior, not promises, and when an apology still cools a fight, Gottman Method couples therapy has something to build on.

Should you stay if you love him but aren't happy?

Feelings and a relationship that meets your needs can come apart, so this quiz doesn't score how much you love your partner. It asks whether you feel close, appreciated and heard, and want the future you picture. Low answers there with the love intact point to unmet needs, which can be named and negotiated in a way feelings can't.

How can you tell relationship anxiety from a bad relationship?

Anxious doubt and relationship problems raise different answers in this quiz. Strong agreement with the items on reassurance and on checking whether you love your partner enough, while trust and closeness hold up, suggests the doubt runs on anxiety. If that checking fills part of every day, a relationship OCD test looks at it directly, and exposure and response prevention (ERP) is built for it.

What if you want out of every relationship at the same stage?

A pull to leave that repeats across partners can say more about you than about this relationship. This quiz doesn't measure attachment avoidance, one of the strongest individual predictors of lower relationship quality (Joel et al., 2020), but a commitment issues test does.

How do you know if you're being controlled?

Rules are the clearest sign: checking your phone, deciding who you see, managing your money, or a temper you tiptoe around. The CDC tracks this as coercive control, and in its 2023/2024 national survey, 27.2% of US women and 19.5% of US men said a partner had used it on them. Being called too sensitive for raising it is part of the same pattern.

Why might your score change when you retake the quiz?

Several questions ask how the relationship feels right now, and Joel and colleagues (2021) found that stay/leave ambivalence predicts day-to-day swings in commitment. Take the quiz after a calm week and again after a hard one. Answers that stay put both times, on trust or safety for example, describe the relationship more reliably than the ones that move.

Is the decision different if you're married?

Marriage ties the decision to shared finances, legal steps and often children, and this quiz captures those stakes in a single question, about what you'd lose by leaving. The should I get a divorce quiz is built around them.

Unhappy but Stuck? Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend Quiz

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Should I Break Up Quiz: Evidence Behind the Questions

This Should I Break Up Quiz turns breakup uncertainty into a structured review of relationship quality. It draws on established models of satisfaction, commitment, investment, ambivalence, and partner safety to identify the patterns contributing to decision conflict.

Relationship Distress Methodology and Limits

Questions are informed by Couples Satisfaction Index research, Rusbult's Investment Model, stay/leave ambivalence research, and intimate partner violence screening frameworks. They assess relationship distress across satisfaction, commitment, conflict, intimacy, trust, alternatives, attachment-related doubt, well-being, and safety. Designed for adults in romantic relationships, this self-report snapshot cannot diagnose a condition, predict a breakup, or fully account for cultural context and changing circumstances.

Answer Privacy in This Breakup Quiz

Your individual answers and personal data are never collected. Responses stay on your device. Only the final numeric score is retained in strictly anonymized form for statistical analysis used to improve the tool, without storing your item-level responses or information that identifies you.

Stay-or-Leave Score Interpretation

Each response is worth 1 to 5 points, with positively worded items reverse-scored before the 20 answers are totaled. A higher score reflects more relationship distress, doubt, ambivalence, or constraints; a lower score reflects more satisfaction, trust, and commitment. Safety responses are evaluated separately and are not diluted by the total. The result is educational, not diagnostic; a licensed therapist can help examine what is driving it.

Couples Research Behind the Quiz

Funk & Rogge (2007). Testing the ruler with item response theory: increasing precision of measurement for relationship satisfaction with the Couples Satisfaction Index Developed the Couples Satisfaction Index to measure relationship satisfaction.
Rusbult, Martz & Agnew (1998). The Investment Model Scale: Measuring commitment level, satisfaction level, quality of alternatives, and investment size Validated measures of commitment, satisfaction, alternatives, and relationship investments.
Joel et al. (2020). Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies Identified commitment, appreciation, sexual satisfaction, partner satisfaction, and conflict as leading relationship-specific predictors of current relationship quality.
Joel, Stanton, Page-Gould & MacDonald (2021). One foot out the door: Stay/leave ambivalence predicts day-to-day fluctuations in commitment and intentions to end the relationship Validated a measure of internal conflict about staying in or leaving a relationship.
U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (2025). Intimate Partner Violence and Caregiver Abuse of Older or Vulnerable Adults: Screening Current U.S. guidance on intimate partner violence screening and follow-up support.

Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend or Girlfriend? FAQ

Your score shows where the strain sits. These answers help you tell whether the doubt comes from the relationship, from anxiety or from a pattern of your own.

Should I Break Up Quiz: Stay in or Leave Your Relationship