“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #21 – My Favorite Mistake: Things Happen During Sex

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Aug 04, 2019 in Swoon

Sex doesn't always go as planned. Sometimes bodies make funny sounds, embarrassing or weird things happen or the reality doesn't meet your expectations. Today we are talking about sexual bloopers or disappointments. Join Julie and Gina as they share tools and practices you can use when sex goes sideways.

This episode covers:

  • Sexual bloopers, let downs, disappointments or disconnects
  • The truth that our sexual reality doesn’t always match our expectations.
  • How not to take it personally, go to a shame place or blame the other person when sex goes sideways
  • Tools to help you explore your expectations and desires about sex.
  • Practices to help you stay connected when weird things happen during sex.

      Memorable quote:

      “We put sex on a pedestal, like it's supposed to be a certain way and when it's not, it can cut to our shame, to our vulnerability, to our doubts. And the truth is like anything in life, it's not always going to go the way we hope.”

      “Bodies do weird things.”

      “Sex doesn't always look a certain way. Sometimes things happen outside of your control. What you can control is how you respond to it. You can control your expectations and you can control how you respond when sex goes sideways. And you can control how you communicate about it.”

      “I masturbated and didn't have an orgasm, so I never did it again.”

      “The more you are having sexual connection with someone, the more likely it is that at some point, something weird is going to happen.”

      Action Steps from the Podcast

      Start practicing talking about sex outside of sex.

      Talk about things before try them –

      “What would it be like if we tried this sometime?”

      “How do you feel if I call you this word?”

      “What happens if I touch you here?”

      “What words feel good when I talk about your body.”

      When it comes to sex - What are your hopes? Best case scenario? What are your worries or concerns?

      Explore your brake pedals

      Create a “Pause Ritual” - Remember, the goal is connection.

      **Talk about this outside of sex.**

      What do you want to have happen when things go sideways so you can regroup, connect and decide what you want to do next?

      Some examples -

      Hold each other

      Hand on heart

      Eye contact


      Then when do you want to do next? Kissing? Go for a Walk? Pick up where you left off? What would feel connecting?

      The next step is to request the pause ritual when you feel disconnected.

        Your Swoon hosts

        Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
        Connect with Gina

        Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
        Connect with Julie

        Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

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