For many couples initiating sex and foreplay is a loaded issue. We get locked into roles of initiator and receiver and can build huge resentment stories about the patterns we've fallen into over time- and it can feel impossible to break free.
In this week's episode, Gina and Julie share thoughts on how to shift those patterns and get things started with ease.
"In lots of relationships, we get stuck in patterns where you're always the one to initiate, I'm never the one to initiate, you're always feeling rejected, I'm never feeling wanted. No matter how we organize those roles we're polarized and disconnected."
"It is a vulnerable act to be like, 'Hey, I want to experience this. Do you want to experience it with me?"
"Having more practices around how we want to want to initiate, or can initiate, can't initiate, and how we want to be initiated with will create less room for miscommunication, missed connection or disappointment when we want to connect sexually."
Want to Improve Your Relationship? Start Paying More Attention to Bids - The Gottman Institute
Talk about what initiation looks like for you. Tell your partner your favorite ways to be seduced or invited to erotic play. Talk about your barriers to initiation. Ask the following:
Then make a plan for sexual connection. Commit to a time to initiate and share sexual energy to break up your default patterns and create space for something new.
Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
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Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
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