Michael Johnson

The average human brain contains about 100 billion neurons. Each brain has about 100 trillion connections among those neurons. Intimate relationships involve the intersection of two of those colossally complex brains. That is why relationships are challenging. They are the most difficult thing we try to do. Even people who grow up in homes where the adults are skilled at relationships struggle. And most of us are not that lucky. Developing deep relational skill leads toward happiness.

Infidelity or affairs are sexual relationships that exceed the agreed upon boundaries of a relationship. They are symptoms of often submerged problems in the people and/or the relationship. And they do damage. Recovering trust involves courageous commitment to honesty, faithfulness, guts, and forgiveness. And healing the relationship involves identifying and addressing the issues that produced the symptom of infidelity. Recovering from infidelity is hard work, takes time, and is worth it.

Sexual Addiction or Problematic Sexual Behavior arise in people who have difficulty regulating their emotional states, have difficulty with intimate relationships, and often who have histories of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. As such, it is a symptom and it harms people. Recovery requires determination, honesty, hard work, and self-compassion. Sufferers need to develop skill regulating their feelings and relating to others. And they also deserve kindness and compassion and love.

Infidelity or affairs are sexual relationships that exceed the agreed upon boundaries of a relationship. They are symptoms of often submerged problems in the people and/or the relationship. And they do damage. Recovering trust involves courageous commitment to honesty, faithfulness, guts, and forgiveness. And healing the relationship involves identifying and addressing the issues that produced the symptom of infidelity. Recovering from infidelity is hard work, takes time, and is worth it.

The saying goes, 'Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.' We all begin nested in a family of some sort. And the circumstances and skills of that family produce enduring affects on our lives, especially but not only our relationship lives. What happens in the early years of life – the years we mostly don’t remember – sets the template for what is to come. But as we come to understand and reengineer what happened through therapy, our lives improve and we can come to flourish.

Psychodynamic therapy focuses on unconscious processes as they influence a person’s behavior. Often those processes are defense mechanisms that developed in childhood and which were useful in protecting the child, but in adulthood are in the way. The goal of psychodynamic therapy is to increase awareness of those processes so that they become choiceful rather than automatic. Thus, people become more mature. And, of course, freedom to choose helps to move us toward fulfillment and happiness.

Most people start their relationship lives believing that the 3 Ls, love, liking, and lust are all they need to have relationship success. But the Ls’ alone are not enough. Learning to develop deeply mutual relationships, maintaining and celebrating you own identity and the identity of the other, takes work, skill, compassion, and time. People who understand that a healthy relationship is vital to happiness and success, commit to nurturing and maintaining their relationships. That investment