A guy goes to a therapist and says, "please help me, my brother thinks he's a chicken". The therapist says, "well, did you try telling him he's a human?" The guy says, "I would but we need the eggs." (Woody Allen)
Trauma creates a neural network that keeps firing even after the trauma is done. Increasing insight in to that network, creating other options, and processing the memories can help you continue with your life.
There is no parenting handbook because all children and all people are different. Parenting is about finding a balance between safety and adventure.