“Swoon” Show Notes: Episode #75 – Real Friends: A-Romantic BreakUps

Jeff Guenther, MS, LPC on Aug 16, 2020 in Swoon

Having healthy relationships isn't just about romantic relationships. The other intimate and meaningful relationships in our lives are essential to our well-being and to learning how to handle all relationships well. Today Julie and Gina talk about a-romantic relationships and the heartbreaks that come from them.

This episode covers:

  • Why it's important to talk about non-romantic relationships endings.
  • Why a-romantic relationships can be so hard to close.
  • How to decide when it's a good idea to cut someone off entirely.
  • How friendships are different from and similar to romantic partnerships.
  • How to break up with your therapist.

          Memorable Quotes

          “Because our culture doesn't hold aromantic relationships in the same esteem as romantic ones it can be hard to find closure when they end."

          "Sometimes we outgrow people, sometimes they outgrow us and it can be so painful."

          "Expectations are especially unclear, unsaid and implied in friendships."

          "Relationships are especially intimate with care providers and it can be uniquely challenging to let someone go."

          "If it just feels 'weird' with your therapist it can be enough reason to break up with them. You don't have to be generous with your trust just because of their role."

          "You don't have to red flag the issue if something feels uncomfortable but do pay attention to it and start tracking it."

          "If you are dreading, delaying, or avoiding certain people or you don't know what you need but you know it's 'not this' thats a great indicator you should slow down and pay attention."

          "Notice when things don't feel reciprocal."

          "It can be really hard to shift relationships when you've been in each other's lives for a long time. If you can get clear about what you want, look for a way to move toward that."

          "You don't ever have to engage with this person again. That's an option. Especially for anyone you are paying for a service. Consider, how much educating or explaining do you want to do? That might be an important part of your role, identity, or values system. But you don't have to do that with anyone? Do you want to engage with this person in-person, online, via text? Do you want to hear back from them? Do you want two-way communication or just share feedback?"

          "When you want to close something in one way, that doesn't mean the other person necessarily wants to do it the same way."

          "Are you in an unsafe situation? If you can't maintain boundaries or it feels unsafe you don't have to engage."

          "If you've always been conflict-avoidant ask yourself if it serves you do handle this situation the same way you always have. Sometimes the answer is yes. And sometimes the answer is no, and this is an opportunity to move towards doing it differently."

            Resources from the Podcast

            The Anatomy of Trust

            I Thought We'd Never Speak Again

            National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800-799-7233

            Breaking Up is Hard to Do Swoon Podcast

            Thank You for Being a Friend Swoon Podcast

            Action Steps

            Ask yourself:

            How does this relationship serve me? Are there some supportive ways we can stay in contact and move forward?

            How much vulnerability am I willing to show up with here?

            How can I make sense of what happened between us?

            Get support

            Looking for coaching? Connect with Gina

            Looking for a therapist in Oregon? Connect with Julie

            Looking for other therapeutic support? Check out TherapyDen

            Your Swoon hosts

            Gina Senarighi, MS, MA, CPC is a sexuality counselor and communication consultant specializing in healthy boundaries, passionate relationships, jealousy, and infidelity. She supports non-traditional couples all over the world as a retreat leader and certified relationship coach.
            Connect with Gina

            Julie Jeske, LPC is a sex and relationship counselor. She has a private practice where she helps clients increase intimacy, ignite passion and deepen their connection to themselves and others. Julie especially loves to help women discover who they are sexually. Through counseling, online classes, or in-person retreats; her clients learn how to talk about their sexual and relationship desires, and explore ways to make them a reality.
            Connect with Julie

            Jeff Guenther is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Portland, OR.

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