Divorce

Although common in the U.S. (50% of marriages end in divorce), a decision to end a marriage can be upsetting and filled with a number of opposing emotions. Each separation is unique and can be a heavy, emotional process for the family involved. Before, during and after a divorce, you might experience a myriad of feelings, including loss, anger, sadness, rejection, shock, regret, doubt, guilt, bitterness, or fear. In addition to helping to process these emotions, therapists that specialize in divorce are often well versed in the logistical issues that come up and can help guide individuals through questions such as living arrangements, finances, and more. Children involved in divorce also often have trouble coping. Seeing a qualified professional therapist during this time can help them, and you, to manage in healthy ways. Contact one of TherapyDen’s divorce specialists for help today!

Meet the specialists

Counseling/therapy for conflicted divorce/custody situations: children, parents, co-parenting, reunification therapy

— Robin Knoblach, Clinical Psychologist in Herndon, VA

Although the ending of a relationship can be extremely painful, counseling can be very effective in helping women rebuild their lives and regain their confidence after a painful breakup or divorce. Many people carry around anger, guilt, shame, bitterness and resentment for years after the relationship has ended. Don’t let the ending of your relationship be the end of you. Life is not over for you. You can still achieve your goals and dreams. You can still live a wonderfully fulfilling life!

— ALICIA CLAYBON, Counselor in Montgomery, AL
 

In addition to having extensive experience counseling clients going through divorce, I am a Certified Divorce Mediator and can work with clients who want to minimize the cost and stress of their divorce through mediation. Clients who need co-parenting counseling, reunification counseling and family counseling can benefit from working in a non-judgmental and supportive environement to improve communication and develop techniques to work together as a team for the benefit of the entire family.

— Jill Kaufman, Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Princeton, NJ

Though divorce is extremely common in the USA-- the statistics in the past two decades point to over 50% of marriages ending in divorce-- it does not change the fact that when you are personally going through it, life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. For some, the emotions that might follow separation or divorce are relief and peace, for others, sadness, shame, or anxiety. And for most clients we see struggling through this transition, all these feelings are present, and rapidly cycle over the course of a week, or even a day. Couples therapy and individual therapy are essential resources to help you find stability during this tough transition. Here are just some of the ways therapy can help you move healthily and steadily through your separation or divorce: Firstly, divorce is definitely a type of loss, and grieving is inevitable. Regardless of the reason for the separation, both partners may be feeling a sense of loss in many areas. The loss of a partner, loss of a family unit, loss of certain role or identity, loss of resources or material things, loss of a specific future life plan, loss of time with children or other family members. Therapy can help both individuals and couples process these various losses, and work through the complex emotions associated with grief such as anger, denial, depression and anxiety. Therapy allows people to gain acceptance around their separation while honoring that it is a loss and allowing themselves to grieve as necessary. Secondly, although generally divorce or a separation occurs due to a couples’ differences, therapy can actually help couples find common ground. No, this is not about mediation or negotiating who gets what from the kitchen cabinets. Therapy helps couples remain focused on the common goal of a peaceful separation. It helps couples set boundaries that are agreed upon together, and redefine the relationship between them as it evolves through the separation. Therapy helps people remain focused on their own core values as individuals, while making decisions together towards common goals. Lastly, the causes, decisions and processes of divorces can often leave people feeling lost and as though they don’t know who they are as a single person. Therapy can help you redefine who this is. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that have resulted from experiences in the relationship and can empower you to move forward. Processing any trauma (physical or emotional) that may have occurred in the relationship, will allow you to heal emotionally and redefine yourself as an individual; more specifically, your priorities, boundaries, needs, values and goals for now and in the future.

— Kim Strong, Clinical Social Worker in San Francisco, CA
 

Parents who are experiencing divorce and child custody evaluations (social studies) are often under extreme stress. This makes it difficult to present their case in the most rational and emotion-free way. I have conducted these evaluations and I know what is expected and how to prepare properly in order help my client hit the "hot buttons" and avoid the traps, and deal with evaluator bias. I am able to perform child custody evaluations, but I prefer to coach and prepare parents in divorce and child custody cases to present their case to the evaluator in the most powerful and effective way. I can say with 100% certainty that proper preparation for a social study or custody evaluation will result in a better outcome for my client and for his/her children. I can provide this service on a nationwide basis.

— Stephen Finstein, Marriage & Family Therapist in Dallas, TX

Divorce is painful and messy and hard. Moving forward is scary and a jolting back and forth process. I help you mourn the loss of the death of a part of yourself. As you spiral out, you will not be alone in that. I'll help you navigate creating a new life and new patterns when the time is right. You are not crazy. You are not destined for failure. You can heal. You can love deeply.

— Molly Johnson, Associate Marriage & Family Therapist in Phoenix, AZ

There are a myriad of emotions that often surface with the decision to divorce. Specific emotions and dynamics often come into play depending on whether you are the initiator to get the divorce or the one who doesn't want the divorce. The initiator may have emotions such as distance, doubt, guilt, or relief surface while the one who doesn't want the divorce may have emotions such as betrayal, loss, grief, lack of confidence, rejection or shock surface. Emotions such as anger, revenge, the desire to reconcile, and insecurity may also surface. I often facilitate families in the process of divorce. When emotions are charged, as they often are during the process of divorce, it can help to have an objective third party facilitate ending a relationship, especially when children are involved. I can facilitate couples and families by supporting you in creating smooth transitions while learning effective coping strategies.

— Kathy Hardie-Williams, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Tigard, OR

Divorce is a very emotional equation, especially if kids are involved. Just ask many smiling attorneys;) But when kids are involved, it is VERY important that ex-partners try and be roughly on the same page, for the sake of their kids Within this whirlwind of emotional "triggers," the discipline of governing our own emotions is often challenged. I can provide experience tested tools, to help you soothe your pain, fill the void, and hopefully "move on" with your changing life.

— darrell marsh, in Los Angeles, CA
 

When going through a divorce or separation, it can feel overwhelming. Stress, fear, loneliness, grief and sadness, confusion - pretty much every painful emotion you can think of. Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences you can go through - it's actually near the top of most lists of stressful life events. The good news is that you don't have to go through it alone, and it can be a catalyst for amazing growth that can take you to places you never imagined you would be. I know this because not only do I help clients through this painful process, but I've gone through it myself. It took a lot of work and I wish I'd been able to get good help through the process. Help that wouldn't minimize my pain or give me meaningless cliches. I won't tell you that "everything happens for a reason" or that "every cloud has a silver lining." I will do my best to support you every step of the way to rebuilding your life and discovering new and exciting parts of yourself.

— Darin Bergen, Psychologist in Portland, OR

Relationships are hard work. My hope in working with you is to help you decided if you are having the right struggle. Has your relationship been stuck for a long time? Does couples therapy and working on the relationship feel like too much pressure to you right now? For couples that are married and are considering divorce or couples in a longterm relationship considering separating, discernment therapy might be the best starting point for you. Discernment therapy differs from couples therapy in that the goal is to create clarity and an understanding of the relationship up until this point, and not on processing and changing the relationship as in couples therapy. As a client, discernment therapy will feel different to you than couples therapy because discernment therapy is more geared towards individual understanding in order to create the confidence necessary to decide if you would like to work on the relationship and proceed to couples therapy or not.

— Alex Barnette, Counselor in Austin, TX