Howard Gofstein (He/him)

I have facilitated psychoeducational groups, consisting of members of both genders who have been court-ordered into treatment because of an out-of-proportion angry response to their partners. I have revisited, with embarrassment and regret, moments in my own life when I have needlessly overreacted. The human being is the only species who have a choice about their emotional reactions. All other creatures react instinctively and without the capacity to make decisions about it.

I have counseled a number of people trying to adapt to unexpected problems that feel disruptive to their lives. It is natural to feel upended when trying to adjust, and for that reason it probably shouldn't be called a "disorder."

I have counseled a number of people trying to adapt to unexpected problems that feel disruptive to their lives. It is natural to feel upended when trying to adjust, and for that reason it probably shouldn't be called "adjustment disorder." It should be called "doing the best I can to get through rough circumstances."

I have facilitated psychoeducational groups, consisting of members of both genders who have been court-ordered into treatment because of an out-of-proportion angry response to their partners. I have revisited, with embarrassment and regret, moments in my own life when I have needlessly overreacted. The human being is the only species that has a choice about their emotional reactions. All other creatures react instinctively, such as to threats, without the capacity to make decisions about it.

I have spent most of my career counseling people suffering from depression of widely varying origins. I understand that feeling depressed consists of varying severity of both physical and emotional components. I also believe that we have SOME control over our emotions and how we react to crises--and that it's not so much what happens as it is how we choose to react. However, it is only natural to feel depressed following a break-up or the loss of a loved one.

I have spent most of my career working with people suffering from depression of widely varying origins. While feeling depressed consists of varying severity of both physical and emotional components, we do have SOME control over our emotions and how we react to crises--and that it's not so much what happens to us as it is how we choose to react. However, I acknowledge it is only natural to feel depressed following a break-up or the loss of a loved one or a job.

I have attended trainings in how to practice CBT, which is based on the idea that we are able to change how we view and react to the many unexpected problems we experience. These thoughts and reactions then lead to sad or hopeless feelings, which lead to self-defeating and maladaptive behaviors, which invariably keep us stuck.

I have much personal experience restructuring how I react to the typical daily frustrations and disruptions of modern life. Learning from my own example, I have become able to view others with compassion and kindness and to become a calmer, warmer person. I have learned from experience to remember that people who in the past used to rile me are likely facing their own personal problems. I have also worked with a number of people whose partners have demanded that they enter counseling.

I have become increasingly proficient at teaching clients to accept, rather than run from, their emotional difficulties. You can still live a fruitful and satisfying life despite the presence of depression and anxiety. Using mindfulness, a component of ACT, you become able to accept and settle into the discomfort that surrounds you without feeling intimidated, overwhelmed and out of control.

In recent years I have become more aware of MY OWN history, in my teens/20s, of overreacting and letting people get under my skin. And I have realized that we must treat others with compassion and not allow ourselves to fly off the handle at every provocation. What purpose, after all, does it serve to get angry at bad restaurant service, or at the police officer who ticketed you for speeding? Do you really want people seeing you in that state, causing them to feel uncomfortable and to avoid you?