I’ve been there. I know from personal experience how excruciating it is to keep trying to connect to someone you love when it ends in tears and heartache every time you try. Learning a better way to live together and connect has been the hardest and most rewarding work of my life. It’s okay with me if you and your partner are angry, upset, or just all over the place. I can help you with your overwhelming feelings.
Your kinks are not a problem for me. I will not look at you funny or expect you to educate me. If mismatching kinks is a problem in your relationship, I'm happy to support you in sorting it out.
My degree and license are in marriage and family therapy, and within that degree, I have focused primarily on marital therapy, also known as couples therapy or relationship therapy. Intimate relationships are the most important and also the most difficult relationships in our lives, and most people can benefit from some support. Imagine how your life would improve if you could consistently find peace, connection, support, energy, and warmth from your partner! I would love to support you in this.
Discernment counseling is a new, very brief, targeted type of therapy for couples who are considering splitting up. Our goal is to find clarity and confidence about how to proceed. We don't try to solve your problems as a couple in discernment counseling. We determine whether your problems are solvable. One possible outcome is choosing to enter couples therapy together, but we don't assume that is the right path for you. I have extensive training in discernment counseling.
I am a systems therapist by training, which means that I believe that context really matters in our problems. Rather than looking only within you for the solution to your distress, we will look at the people and systems around you as well. Your relationships with others involve a give and take. Some parts are yours to fix, and some are outside your control.
Your logical brain has taken you pretty far in life. Up until now, being intelligent and rational has served you well. But now, you wonder if the other side of you could use some attention. Maybe you’re entering a leadership role at work. You're sensing that reason and data are not the most efficient way through every human problem. You want to learn to influence people and get them working well together, rather than wasting time on infighting that doesn't matter. Let's level you up.
You thrive on the challenge and you love the feeling of success. You’re excited to take on bigger challenges and more responsibility. And the pay is pretty nice too. But… You’re too busy for hobbies or deep friendships. When you get home, you’re too wiped to enjoy anything. Your relationship is feeling the strain. You're constantly in reactive mode. I can help you find a way to find immediate relief, and then regroup and find a better, more balanced way to move forward and enjoy life again.
I am well-versed in ethical non-monogamy. If your relationship involves consenting adults, then you are welcome here. If you want to discuss issues that connect with your relationship structure, I will be non-judgmental and supporting. If you want to discuss other issues that have nothing to do with your relationship structure, I will not tell you that non-monogamy is the problem. Finally, if some of you are more enthusiastic about non-monogamy than others, I can help you work through it.