Nonviolent Communication

Do you want to resolve conflicts - with yourself and others - in ways that honor your deepest needs? Do you want solutions that work for you and also meet the needs of others? Nonviolent Communication is about how to make that happen. It's about creating the kind of relationship that helps to meet, or at least honor, everyone's needs. It doesn't always get us what we want, but it greatly increases the chances of truly satisfying our underlying needs.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

Most of us have been taught to communicate passively, critically, or manipulatively––and that’s so normal to us that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. That is, until we find ourselves feeling powerless to get our needs met, repeating the same conflicts with those we love, and feeling alone or trapped in our relationships. The nonviolent framework provides a systematic approach by teaching us to be present to our own needs, feelings, and requests without blaming others or internalizing shame.

NVC is the practice of making an observation, expressing a feeling, then a need and making a request. Using NVC takes the charge out of communication which can be so painful and threatening to the survival of the relationship. It allows people to take ownership of their experience and not direct their feelings towards others, which usually only escalates conflict and leads to breakdowns. Utilizing NVC makes hearing one another much easier by staying calm & cool.

I have found nonviolent communication to be extremely helpful in clearer and more accurate expression. Additionally, the use of nonviolent communication bypasses many of the standard miscommunications and perceived offenses of standard conversation, facilitating information flow without argument. Interestingly, the use of nonviolent communication may also make the speaker appear more charismatic and persuasive.

Nonviolent communication helps to communicate from a place of compassion and empathy to share thoughts, feelings, basic human needs, self-responsibility, and the desire for connection.

I have been using NVC since before becoming a therapist. My partner first introduced it to me back in 2016 as a helpful way to relate to children. But as Marshall Rosenberg made clear, its use can serve people of all ages from any background. This is because the emphasis is on understanding someone else's underlying needs, which we all have. In communicating with "I" statements, recognizing ones feelings and values, and requesting help, we avoid blame, evaluation, and demands that alienate us.

I use Non-violent Communication (NVC) in my life both personally and professionally because it's such a direct way to speak to our feelings and needs while respecting ourselves and the person we're communicating with. I find it's most helpful as a tool when people are just beginning to speak more kindly to themselves and meet their needs. NVC is great for improving your self-talk, not just how you communicate with others!

NVC focuses on developing empathic listening and communication skills and building emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills. In couples counseling, NVC can help partners learn to communicate more effectively, express their needs and emotions in a non-judgmental way, and create a deeper sense of connection and understanding. Couples can develop greater empathy, compassion, and trust in their relationships by learning to listen and speak from the heart.

I was introduced to Nonviolent Communication (NVC) about 17 years ago and have been drawing upon the practice ever since. NVC is a way of viewing one's self, one another and the world. At the center of NVC is empathy--truly listening with an open heart to ourselves and to those we want to connect with. I am inspired by NVC's stance that humans share common needs. In my work, I listen for those needs; to be understood, to have choice, or be considered to name a few.

I am trained in NVC for use with children, teens and adults

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a wonderful technique for helping you connect to your own feelings and needs, and figure out ways to work through conflicts with others in a clear and compassionate way.

M.A. degree in Conflict Studies and Dispute Resolution